词汇短缺以及词语重复，有些地方读不懂，怪怪的！

谢谢，比我原先写得好多了
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　Today, people should work together for many things; or they can’t do it well. So I think we should work together. 　
　Firstly, working together can make things more wonderful, then we can have a good mind to work. Secondly, when we work together with other people, we can make more friends - a new friend can enrich our life. Thirdly, many people has taste the sweetness from working together. Because of this, the whales were helped; because of this, the White Brother were able to invent the airplane. 　
　In conclusion, I want to say: we all should work together, then our life will more extraordinary.
稍稍做了修改。……应该说是一篇很简约的议论文。但是因为词汇的短缺以及词语的重复，令正篇文章显得很罗嗦且没有吸引力。注意措辞用语，在有些地方难以理解你想表述的意思到底是什么。总的来说还是可以的，加油吧～