My name is Fengyun.I’m a Chinese girl,I am fourteen years old.I’m a student.Now,I’m in No.3 Middle School,I’m in Class Two,Grade Nine.My favorite subject is Chinese and I also like English.I think they are very interesting.
I’m very tall and thin.I have a round face,big eyes,a small nose,a small mouth and small ears and my hair is long and black.(太多and连用给人上气不接下气的感觉。) My favorite color is white,because it stands for （stands for一般是用于解释缩写的全称。建议去掉。） clean and honest （用词不当。honest是诚实的意思。不能修饰颜色。）.
I have many hobbies,such as reading books,collecting things,watching TV,（and）playing computer.Apple is my favorete season.(???苹果是你最喜欢的季节？)I like dogs best because they are very lovely.（解释一下，狗如何是孤独的动物……）They make me happy.[再阐述一下。]
Look this is me ,Do you like me ?
……
稍微改了下。
语法没什么问题。不错。
但是语言很生硬很晦涩。 I’m...句式太多。连贯性不强。。。
有些单一。
不过这个是要一点点来的。
风云G 于 2008-9-7 8:57:00回复如下：
(奖给发言者 5 分)
真的很谢谢你啊,我真的很想再多给你些分,不过没办法最多只能给你5分.
