Is the way you handle ANGER hurting or helping you? Take this quiz and find out!
1. Your sister borrows your favorite shirt and gives it back to you covered with stains. You
A. yell, “What a jerk2! You should be more careful with my stuff!”
B. run the shirt under water as tears stream down your face.
C. say nothing. Your parents will be furious3 if you start arguing.
D. take back the headband4 you gave her for her birthday.
2. You ask your friend Lisa to go swimming. She says, “No, thanks.” So you go by yourself. At the pool, you see Lisa—with another girl. You
A. say, “Some friend you are!”
B. make a quick exit so no one will see you cry.
C. pretend you don't see them and leave. You never mention it to Lisa, because you don't want her to like the other girl better.
D. start planning a great party. Too bad Lisa won't be invited.
3. During a big soccer game, a teammate passes you the ball, but Nina steals it and makes the winning goal. You
A. yell out, “You show-off5!”
B. feel like crying, even though your team won the game.
C. act like it's no big deal.
D. tell your teammates never to pass the ball to Nina again.
4. Your dad promised to take you to the movies. But by the time he gets home, it's too late to go. You
A. shout, “Thanks for nothing!” and slam the door to your room.
B. watch TV as tears fill your eyes.
C. tell him it's O.K.—even though it's not.
D. are slow to answer the next time he asks you for help.
5. You're working on a project with Amy. You write a good report, but Amy makes a sloppy6 poster. Your team gets a low grade. You
A. say, “Nobody wanted you for a partner. Now I know why!”
B. get so upset, you start to cry.
C. don't say anything, since you don't want Amy to get mad.
D. make sure everyone knows the low grade was Amy's fault.
How Did You Answer?
If you circled mostly ．．．
A's, hurtful words or actions get your point across when you're angry. But shouts and slammed doors keep others from understanding why you're mad. Try saying, "I'm so mad, I need time to cool down!" Then come back when you're ready to talk.
B's, crying is your way of getting your strong feelings out. But after you cry, wash your face and talk calmly about what's made you so angry.
C＇s, you often cover up7 angry feelings because you don't want to hurt anyone. But keep in mind that doing this only hurts you—and your relationship. Telling people how you feel can bring you closer to them.
D's, you may want to “get even8” with the person who has made you mad, or try to get others mad at that person, too. Talking to others can help you sort out9 your feelings, but don't be fooled! There's no substitute10 for talking to the person you're angry with. Getting even may seem fair, but it usually just makes things worse.
Making It Better
Anger can be helpful when it leads you to change what's bothering you. To do that, you need to talk about how you feel.
1. Describe what made you angry: “Dad, it made me mad that you were so late.”
2. Tell how it made you feel: “I felt like you didn't really care about our plans.”
3. Say how you wish the person had acted: “I wish you had planned your day differently so that we could have gone to the movies.”
4. Try to make an agreement about how you'll handle things next time: “Would it help if I reminded you about our plans in the morning?”
你处理生气的方法对你有害还是有益？做做下面的测试就知道了。
1. 你妹妹借走你心爱的衬衫，还回来时衣服上污迹斑斑。你
A 大叫：“真是笨蛋！你怎么就不会爱惜我的东西啊！”
B 用水冲洗衬衫，泪流满面。
C 只字不提。如果你跟妹妹争起来，父母会发怒的。
D 把她过生日你送她的束发带要回来。
2. 你请朋友莉萨去游泳。她说，“谢谢，我不去。”你就自己去了。在游泳池，你见到莉萨——跟另外一个女孩在一起。你
A 说，“你真够朋友！”
B 很快离开游泳池，这样就不会有人看见你哭了。
C 装着没有看见他们的样子走了。你从不对莉萨提起这件事，因为你不想让她对那个女孩更好。
D 开始筹备一次盛大的聚会。就是不请莉萨，气死她。
3. 在一次重大足球赛中，队友把球传给你，但让尼娜给抢跑并踢进制胜的一球。你
A大声喊道，“就你有本事！”
B 想哭，尽管你们队打赢了比赛。
C 装着若无其事的样子。
D 叫队友以后绝对不要再把球传给她。
4. 你爸爸答应带你看电影。但他回家时已经很晚了，去不成了。你
A 叫道，“谢谢你没带我看电影，”然后砰地把房门带上。
B 眼泪汪汪地看电视。
C 跟他说没关系——虽然有关系。
D 下次他找你帮忙，懒得理他。
5. 你跟埃米合作一个项目。你的报告写得很好，但她的海报做得很马虎。你们小组得分很低。你
A 说，“过去谁都不想跟你搭档。现在我算是明白了！”
B 很难受，哭了起来。
C 什么也不说，因为你不想让埃米懊恼。
D 闹得大家都知道得低分是埃米的错。
你是怎样答题的？
如果你圈的大多是
A，你生气的时候，有害的言行会让人知道你的想法，但是大喊大叫或使劲摔门不能让人明白你发火的原因。试试说，“我太激动了，我需要时间冷静一下！”等想说话的时候再回来。
B，哭是你发泄强烈情感的方式。但哭过之后洗把脸，心平气和地谈谈是什么让你那么气愤。
C，你经常掩盖你的气愤之情，因为你不想伤害任何人。但请记住，这么干只会伤害你自己——还有你的人际关系。把你的感受告诉别人会加深你们之间的感情。
D，你可能想“扯平”那个惹你发火的人，或者让别人也对那个人发火。跟别人交谈有助于梳理情感，但别犯傻！你生谁的气就找谁谈，这是无可替代的。报复可能似乎很公平，但常常只会让事情更糟。
想办法改善
如果生气能引导你改变让你烦心的事，那它就能变成好事。为此，你需要跟人谈论你的感受。
1. 描述让你气愤的事：“爸爸，你回来这么晚我很生气。”
2. 说出事情给你的感受：“我感觉你并不是很在意我们的计划。”
3.说你希望对方该怎么做：“我希望你白天的计划有所变化，这样我们就能去看电影了！”
4.尽量就下次你会怎么处理达成协议：“如果我上午提醒你我们计划做什么管用吗?”
1. loose one＇s cool 失去自制／镇定
2． jerk n． [俚]傻瓜，笨蛋
3． furious adj． 暴怒的
4． headband n． 束发带
5． show－off n． 爱炫耀／卖弄的人
6． sloppy adj． 马虎的
7． cover up 掩盖，掩饰
8． get even 扯平，报复
9． sort out 整理（思想、情感等）
10． substitute n． 替代