Here's a helpful hint2: When your dad threatens to take your door off the hinges3 the next time you slam4 it in his face5, believe him. Now, here's a second hint: If you do really make your dad that mad, don't ever feel safe sitting in your room in your underwear6. You'll find yourself sitting on your bed, totally exposed7, in more ways than one, to the entire universe. After the door comes off you won't be able to talk on the phone in privacy either. For me, that isn't an issue; I lost the phone last week. Don't ask. You won't be able to surf9 the Internet in peace: another nonissue10 for me. Don't ask, again. Basically, life as you knew it will have ended simply because you didn't keep your mouth shut.
For me, I'd had plenty of warnings. I ignored11 them all. I'll never forget the feeling I had as the door disappeared. It's really similar to12 the feeling you get when you're caught lying. I don't know about you, but I always get that empty, sickly feeling in my stomach. Sometimes I get cold sweats, too. At that point, I know that I'm busted13 and there's no going back.
The door incident started simply because I wanted to go to a party with James and Cassie. Usually no big deal14. Ever since Mom died, Dad has been perfectly happy that I have people to hang out with15. He's been trying to deal with it on his own and not doing a very good job of it. Who gets the brunt16 of his loneliness? Me. Anyway, I brought up17 this party issue and instead of his usual, relieved18 “NO problem,” I got a resounding19 “No!”
I was totally unprepared, so I asked in a not-so-nonconfrontational20 voice, “Why? You've always let me go! You know almost all the kids that'll be there. I'm going with James and Cassie. You know them; they're cool21. We never get in any trouble. What is the big deal?”
Dad was at the kitchen table, surrounded22 by the pile of papers he was grading23. “The answer is no, pure24 and simple. You've been going out way25 too much lately. Your grades are down. You need to spend some time catching up. What about that paper in language arts that you told me is due26 on Monday?”
“I've got the rough draft27 written; all I need to do is revise it. I'll get it done on Sunday!”
“How 'bout if you don't wait till the last minute like usual, and actually get something done early for a change? Then the two of us can actually do something together on Sunday. Maybe we can go for a long bike ride—something like that.”
Things were starting to get clearer. Dad was lonely and wanted company28! He and I used to ride together a lot when I was a budding29 junior bike racer and he was kicking butt30 in the Masters category31, the old guys, over 35. He still races. I just got tired of it. Tired of training all the time, worrying about when I slept, what I ate, how late I was out... so I quit. It's another one of those losses that Dad hasn't accepted yet, and he just keeps pushing it. Since Mom “left,” it seems that the only thing that keeps Dad even close to sane32 is riding his bike. He'll leave work—he's a teacher—and ride for two or three hours, on top of the hour that he takes to ride to work in the morning. That leaves little time for the two of us, and then he wants to make up for33 it on MY TIME, over the weekend? NO way! That's what I told him.
“It's not up to34 me to make35 you feel better. I've got a life. You need to get one too!” Now, THAT was the wrong thing to say. When Dad gets mad, he gets eerily36 quiet, his face gets perfectly flat37, and there's basically no tone to his voice. It's just flat and cold.
If I were you, I'd stop now, and I wouldn't help myself. My hand was already on the doorknob38, and the forward motion39 had already begun. It was too late; the door slammed in his face. I waited for the explosion, and it never came. It just stayed quiet. Then I heard Dad walk down the stairs, and I heard the door to our garage open. I thought maybe he was going out for a walk, to cool down40. At least I hoped that was what he was doing. I knew better than to go looking for him, so I got to work.
Dad had been right about one thing—my language arts paper did need to be finished. I booted up41 the laptop42 and popped in43 the disk with all of my writing on it. This story was a good one but definitely44 needed some work. I started to revise, rereading up45 to the part where the horse lies down in the middle of I-2546. I hardly noticed the sounds behind me until the squeak47 of metal pins48 being pulled from their home broke my concentration49. I turned to the door. I couldn't believe it. He was actually doing what he'd been threatening to do ever since I was six. He was taking my door off the hinges!
“Dad, stop! Please! I'm sorry. I was out of line50. Please don't do it!”
“Hey, buddy51, actions have consequences52. I told you not to close it in my face. You're your choice; now deal with it.”
“I can't believe you're doing this! You're treating me like a child.”
“You're acting like one. When you start acting like a grown-up, I'll start treating you like one again.”
“Man53, I CAN"T WAIT till I'm 18. I'm outta here then. You can ride all you want, feel sorry for yourself all by yourself, whatever!”
“Hey, no problem, but now I guess I still get to make the rules, and it sucks54 to be you, doesn't it?”
At that very second, it was like we both realized just how absurd55 the whole situation was becoming. I looked at Dad, he looked at me, and we both looked at where my door used to be. I could tell he was trying not to laugh.
“Don't laugh,” I said. “It isn't funny.”
“I know,” he said, barely being able to contain56 himself. We both burst out into57 an uncontrollable laughing fit58.
“Want to help me put it back on?” he asked.
“Nah,” I said, “I think you'd better leave it off for a while. Sort of for a reminder59, you know.”
“Yeah, I do, ” he said.
给你提个醒，很管用哟：当你爸爸威胁你，说你下次当着他的面摔门就把门下掉，你要相信他的话。我还要提醒你，如果你真的让你爸爸发了那么大的脾气，别指望安安稳稳地穿着内衣坐在你房间里。你会发现自己坐在床上，彻彻底底、完完全全地暴露在天地之间。房门没了，你也不可能在电话里跟人说悄悄话了。对我而言，这不是个问题。上个星期我的电话就给拿走了。别问为什么。你也不可能安安心心上网了，这对我也不是问题。同样，别问为什么。一句话，就因为你嘴巴不严，你所习惯的生活会从此结束。
说到我，我可没少受过警告，全都当耳边风。我永远也忘不了房门被下走时的感觉。那种感觉就像是说谎被人识破一样。我不知道你是谁，不过我内心总有一种空虚感和恶心的感觉。有时身上还冒冷汗。这时，我知道自己垮了，再也无法复原。
房门事件全都是因为我要跟詹姆斯和卡西参加一个聚会引起的。平常这也没什么大不了的。自从妈妈去世后，爸爸一直都特别高兴我能在外面找到人玩儿。他总是设法独自承受，但效果并不好。他的寂寞向谁排遣？当然是我。长话短说，我跟爸爸提起聚会的事，他没有像往常一样痛痛快快地答应“没问题！”而是斩钉截铁地说“不行！”
我根本没想到会这样，于是用一种不那么驯服的口气说：“怎么了？你每次都让我去的！参加聚会的那些人几乎个个都是你认识的。我跟詹姆斯和卡西一起去。你认识他们，都很稳重的。我们从不惹祸。有什么大不了的！”
爸爸当时坐在餐桌旁批改学生作业，身边作业堆成了山。“我的回答是不行，简单明了。这一段时间你老出去玩，成绩也下降了，应该花点时间补一补功课。你跟我说有一篇语言艺术课作文星期一要交，写得怎么样了？”
“草稿都打好了，改一改就行。我想星期天再改。”
“你能不能变一变，早点儿把事情做完，不要老是拖到最后才做？这样星期天我们俩就能一起做点什么。也许我们可以骑自行车去一个很远的地方，或者干点别的什么也行。”
事情越来越明朗了。爸爸很孤独，需要人陪伴。以前我们经常一起骑车，那时我刚刚参加初中生自行车比赛，爸爸总是落在教师组的队尾，那些老家伙都在35岁开外。他现在还参加比赛。我可受够了。老是训练，什么时候睡觉要担心，吃什么也担心，出门晚了也担心……所以我现在不去了。这也是爸爸无法接受的一个损失，于是他就一个劲儿地逼我。自从妈妈“离开我们”，似乎只有一件事能让爸爸保持比较清醒的头脑，那就是骑车。他会放下教学工作去骑车，一骑就是两三个小时，早晨骑车上班的时间不算。这样我们俩在一起的时间就不多了，而现在他想用我的时间，在周末来弥补。休想！我就这么跟他说了。
“要让你心里好过不是我说了算。我有我的生活，你也应该有你的生活！”得，这话可就说错了。爸爸发火的时候，人变得出奇的平静，面部毫无表情，说话基本上不带任何语气，就那么平淡而冷漠。
要是换一个人，闹到这一步也就算了，但我控制不了自己。我已经抓住了门把，开始往前使劲。想停也停不下来，‘嘭’的一声，当着他的面把门摔上了。我等着爸爸大发雷霆，但他没有。周围还是一片寂静。我听见爸爸下了楼，后来又听见车库的门开了。我想他可能要出去散散步，消消气。至少我是这么希望的。我知道没有必要去找他，所以就开始干自己的事。
有一件事爸爸说对了，我的语言艺术课作文的确需要完成。我打开笔记本电脑，把作业软盘插进去。故事编得不错，但确实需要加加工。我开始修改，边看边改，正要看到马儿躺倒在25号州际公路路心一段。要不是拔金属钉的嘎嘎声分散我的注意力，我压根儿不会注意到身后的动静。我转身面对房门，简直不敢相信眼前的一幕。爸爸从我六岁开始就一直威胁说要做一件事，现在他真的做了。他正在下门。
“爸爸，别下！求求你！对不起。刚才是我一时冲动，求你不要下门。”
“嗨，小子，早知今日，何必当初？我说过让你不要当我的面摔门。既然你要这么干，那就好汉做事好汉当。”
“谁知道你真会这么做！你这是把我当小孩一样对待！”
“你的行为就是小孩嘛。你要是言谈举止像个大人，我自然会把你当作大人来看待。”
“哈！我巴不得快点到18岁。那时我也不住这里了。你想怎么骑车就怎么骑车，自己想怎么难过就怎么难过，随你便！”
“好啊，没问题！不过现在我想我还是要订一些条条框框。这样做人真没劲，对吧？”
就在那一瞬间，我们俩似乎都意识到事情变得多么可笑。我看着爸爸，爸爸看着我，然后两个人都看着空荡荡的门框。看得出他在强忍着不笑出声来。
“别笑，”我说，“没什么好笑的。”
“知道，”他说，但还是忍不住。两人都止不住大笑起来。
“想不想帮我把门再装上？”他问。
“不，”我说，“我想你还是暂时不装的好。只当是给我提个醒，好吧？”
“行，好吧。”他说。
1. knock v． 找茬儿
2． hint [hint] n． 提示，线索
3． hinge n． （门的）铰链
4． slam v． 砰地关上（门或窗）
5． in one＇s face 当某人的面
6． underwear n． 内衣
7． expose v． 使暴露
8． come off 分离，脱落
9． surf v． 冲浪
10． nonissue n． 不是问题的问题
11． ignore v． 不理睬，忽视
12． similar to 相似的
13． busted adj． 破碎的，垮的
14． big deal 重大的事
15． hang out with sb． 和某人闲逛／厮混
16． brunt n． 冲击，撞击
17． bring up 提起
18． relieved adj． 宽慰的
19． resounding adj． 斩钉截铁的
20． nonconfrontational
adj． 不妥协的
21． cool adj． 稳重的
22． surround v． 包围
23． grade [greid] v． 打分
24． pure adj． 纯粹的
25． way [wei] adv． 大大地，非常
26． due [dju?蘼] adj． 到期的
27． draft n． 草稿，草案
28． company n． 陪伴
29． budding adj． 崭露头角的；正发芽的
30． butt n． 尾部
31． category n． 范畴，类别
32． sane [sein] adj． 头脑清醒的
33． make up for ．．． 弥补……
34． up to 取决于……的， 需由……决定的
35． it＇s up to sb． to do sth． 某事由某人决定
36． eerily adv． 奇怪地；可怕地
37． flat adj． 无精打采的，无生气的
38． doorknob n． 球型门把手
39． motion n． 运动，动作
40． cool down 平静下来，消气
41． boot up 启动（电器）
42． laptop n． 便携式电脑
43． pop in 啪地放进
44． definitely adv． 无疑地
45． reread up 重新研读
46． I－25 25号州际公路，I代表Interstate
47． squeak n． 嘎吱声
48． pin [pin] n． 钉，销， 栓
49． concentration n． 集中， 专心
50． be out of line 失去控制；卤莽无礼
51． buddy n． 小孩子；老弟（称呼语）
52． consequence n． 后果
53． man int． （表示不耐烦）哈；啊呀
54． suck v． 令人讨厌；没意思
55． absurd adj． 荒谬的；可笑的
56． contain v． 控制
57． burst out into laughing 突然笑起来
58． fit [fit] n． 一阵（笑／风／雨）
59． reminder n． 起提醒作用的东西；提示