(3)全文有比较多的语言错误,而且有些是严重的错误。
例3.(8分段)
At 9:00am October 25st(25th) 2003, I saw a traffic accident on Daxue Road. At that time, I was on my way to school.
When I turned right on the corner, a motorbike knocked into a small car. The motorbike was red, and there are(were) two persons on the motorbike. The car was yellow. The motorbike fell down, and the two persons on the motorbike were slight injured. The (car) driver came out of the car at once, and asked about the two persons. As soon as I saw that, I made a telephone call to 110.The traffic police arrived in a short time.
According to what I saw, I thought there may be one reason leading to the accident. That was the motorbike kept too short (a) distant from the car. When the car slowed down, the motorbike couldn`t slow down in time. So the accident took place.
东方教育点评:(1)基本切题。
(2)文字连贯性不强,尤其是第二段,缺少一些必要的衔接词。
(3)简单句太多,可以考虑把一些合并成复合句。
(4)有些地方人称指代不明(如司机),容易引起误解
(5)有一些基本的时态、语法错误。
例4.(11分段)
Last Friday afternoon, when I was on my way home, a traffic accident took place at the crossing of Shanghai Road.
A pupil was knocked down by a black car when he was walking across the street. His legs were badly hurt. Sever(Several) minutes later an ambulance came, and the driver of the black car sent the pupil to the hospital immediately.
In my eyes, this accident was due to that the pupil broke the traffic rules. That is to say, the pupil walked across the street when the traffic lights were red. As soon as the driver saw the pupil, he stopped the car, however, it was too late. In my opinion, it was necessary to advocate people to confirm to the traffic rules. If the pupil hadn`t broken the traffic rules, the accident might not have happened.
东方教育点评:(1)本文比较切题,表达思想清楚。
(2)语句比较通顺,但有少量语言错误。
例5.(14分段)
My name is Liming. I am studying at college. A week ago I saw a traffic accident , which is still vivid in my mind.