Comparing is competition's twin. Comparing yourself to others is nothing but bad news. Why? Because we're all on different development timetables. Since we all bake differently, we shouldn't keep opening the oven1 door to see how well our cake is rising compared to our neighbor's, or our own cake won't rise at all. Although some of us are like the poplar2 tree, which grows like a weed the moment it's planted, others are like the bamboo tree, which shows no growth for four years but then grows ninety feet in year five.
Building your life based on comparing to others is never good footing3. If I get my security from the fact that my GPA4 is higher than yours or my friends are more popular than yours, then what happens when someone comes along with a higher GPA or more popular friends? Comparing ourselves makes us feel like a wave of the sea tossed5 to and fro by the wind. We go up and down, feeling inferior one moment and superior the next, confident one moment and intimidated6 the next. The only good comparison is comparing yourself against your own potential7.
I love how noted author Paul H. Dunn put it in a speech entitled "On Feeling Inferior":
I have noticed that daily we meet moments that steal our self－esteem8． They cannot be avoided． Pick up any magazine: you see people who look healthier, skinnier9, or better dressed than you are． Look around． There is always someone who seems smarter, another more self－assured10, still another more talented． In fact, each day we are reminded that we lack certain talents, that we make mistakes, that we do not excel11 in all things． So, it is easy to believe that we do not quite measure up12 in the great scheme13 of things, but are inferior in some secret way．
If you base your self－esteem, your feeling of self－worth, on anything outside the quality of your heart, your mind, or your soul, you have based it on a very shaky footing． So you and I are not perfect in form of physical figure． So you and I are not the richest, the wisest, the wittiest14． So what?
I once interviewed a girl named Anne, who got caught in the web of comparisons for several years before managing to escape. She has a message for those who are caught:
My problems began during my freshman15 year when I entered the high school． Most of the kids in my high school had money． And how you dressed was everything． The big question was: who is wearing what today? There were even some unspoken rules about clothes, such as never wear the same thing twice and never wear the same thing as someone else． Brand names and expensive jeans were a must16． You had to have every color, every style．
I began to feel self－conscious17． A voice said to me, “Why can＇t you look like her?” “How come you＇re so fat?” “If you just changed a little bit you＇d be just right．” I started looking at other girls and analyzing all the reasons I wasn＇t as good as them． Even though I had a closet full of clothes, I remember having anxiety attacks because I couldn＇t decide what to wear． I even began shoplifting18 because I wanted to have the latest and best clothes． After a while, who I was hinged upon19 who I was with, what I looked like, and what kind of clothes I had on． I never felt good enough, for anyone．
To cope, I started to binge20 and purge21． The eating gave me comfort and the purging gave me some strange form of control． Although I wasn＇t fat, I was so scared of being fat． It soon became a big part of my life． I started throwing up22 thirty to forty times a day． I would do it at school, in the bathrooms, and anywhere else I could find． It was my secret． I couldn＇t tell my parents because I didn＇t want to let them down23．
Finally, it all came to a head24． While I was on stage performing in a play, I suddenly disoriented25, passed out26． Waking up in the dressing room, I found my mom at my side． “I need help,” I whispered．
Admitting that I had a problem was the first step to my recovery． Looking back now, I can＇t believe I got myself into that state of mind． I had everything I needed to be happy yet I was so miserable． I want to shout out to the world: “Don＇t ever do this to yourself． It＇s not worth it．”
The key to my recovery was meeting some really special friends who made me feel that I mattered because of who I was and not what I wore．
The pearl of wisdom from the story is: Stop doing it. Break the habit. Comparing yourself can become an addiction27 as strong as drugs or alcohol. You don't have to look like or dress like a model to be good enough. You know what really matters. Don't get caught up in the game and worry so much about being popular during your teen years, because most of life comes after.
攀比酷似竞争。拿自己跟别人比是件很不幸的事。原因么，就在于我们每个人的发展各有其时，互不相同。既然我们各自烘烤的时间不同，就不应该老是打开烘箱看糕点烤得怎么样了，拿它跟邻居的比较，否则，我们的糕点怎么也烤不好。虽然有些人像杨树，跟草籽一样种下去就长，有些人却好似竹子，头四年完全不见动静，到第五个年头一下就长90英尺。
把自己的生活建立在与人攀比的基础上，这肯定不牢靠。如果我学习成绩比你好，朋友比你多，就心安理得，要是再来一个人，成绩比我更好，朋友比我更多，会怎么样呢？攀比会让我们感到自己像是随风翻滚的海浪。我们随波浮沉，时而自卑，时而自大，时而自信，时而胆怯。惟一的良性攀比是跟自己的潜力较劲。
我很喜欢著名作家保罗·H·邓恩在题为《论自卑》的演讲中所说的一番话：
我发现每天我们都会碰上失去自尊心的时候，躲也躲不掉。随手拿起一本杂志，你会看见一些人比你健康、苗条，比你穿得好。看看周围，总有人比你聪明，比你自信，比你有才气。事实上，生活每天都在对我们说，我们缺乏某些方面的才能，爱出错，不是样样都出色。因此，很容易产生这样的想法：我们没多大本事，成不了什么大器，不知怎么就是比别人差。 如果你将自尊和自我价值建立在任何内心、心智或心灵品质以外的东西上，那这个基础是很不牢靠的。因此，你我不是身材最完美的，你我不是最富有的，不是最有头脑的，也不是最诙谐的。那又怎么样呢？
我曾采访过一位叫安妮的女孩，她在攀比的罗网中挣扎了好几年才逃脱出来。她有话对那些爱攀比的人说：
我是上中学一年级的时候开始攀比的。我们中学大部分学生都有钱。什么都不重要，最重要的是你穿得怎么样。大家最关心的问题是：今天谁穿着什么衣服？在衣着上甚至有一些不言自明的原则，比如说一件衣服绝对不穿两次，绝对不穿与别人雷同的衣服。衣服必须是名牌，牛仔裤必须名贵。各种颜色、各种款式都要备齐。
我开始感到难为情了。有个声音对我说：“你就不能长得像她一样吗？”“你怎么这么胖啊？”“要是你变那么一点点就无懈可击了。”我开始注意那些女生，分析自己不如她们的种种原因。虽然我有满柜子的衣服，但我记得当时老是很烦躁，不知道穿什么好。后来甚至到商店偷衣服，因为我想穿最新、最漂亮的衣服。不久，我就认为，我这个人怎么样取决于我交什么样的朋友，长得怎么样，还有穿什么样的衣服。我总感觉自己不够完美。
为了对付这种沮丧，我开始猛吃东西，清通肠胃。吃东西让我感觉舒畅，清肠起到了某种奇特的控制作用。虽然我不胖，但我很怕长胖。减肥很快成了我生活的主要内容。我开始每天呕吐30至40次，在学校吐，在卫生间吐，只要能找到地方就吐。这是我的秘密。我没跟父母说，不想让他们失望。
最后，情况严重起来。一天在台上演戏的时候，突然晕头转向，昏倒了。醒来时我发现自己躺在化装室，妈妈就在身边。“我需要帮助，”我悄声说。
承认自己有问题是我康复的第一步。现在回头想想，简直不敢相信当初会陷入那种精神状态。我什么都有了，该快乐了，却活得那么痛苦。我要对全世界的人高呼：“千万不要这样对待自己。不值得啊！”
我所以能康复，关键是遇到了一些真正特别的朋友。他们让我感到，我之所以重要，不在于我穿什么衣服，而在于我这个人。
这个故事对我们的启迪是：别这么做了。改掉这个习惯。攀比会像毒品和酒一样让你上瘾。没有必要长得像模特或穿得像模特才感觉良好。你知道真正重要的是什么。不要沉溺于攀比的游戏中，不要为在青少年时代走红而大伤脑筋，人的一生还长着呢！
1. oven n． 烤箱
2． poplar n． 杨树
3． footing n． 立足点；基础
4． GPA＝ grade－point average的缩写，（学生各科成绩的）平均分
5． toss v． 扔，抛
6． intimidate v． 恐吓，威胁
7． potential n． 潜力，潜能
8． self－esteem n． 自尊
9． skinny adj． 瘦的
10． self－assured adj． 自信的
11． excel v． 出众，出色
12． measure up 合格，符合标准
13． scheme n． 计划，方案
14． witty adj． 机智的，诙谐的
15． freshman n． 新生
16． must n． 必需品
17． self－conscious adj． 不自然的，忸怩的
18． shoplift v． 在商店盗窃
19． hinge upon 依…而定，取决于
20． binge v． 无节制地吃喝
21． purge v． 清（肠）
22． throw up （美俚）呕吐
23． let．．．down 使失望
24． come to a head （事情）达到顶点／紧要关头
25． disorient v． 昏昏沉沉，神智迷乱
26． pass out 昏倒
27． addiction n． 嗜好，瘾