“Hi, how are you doing?”
“Great, thanks, how are you?”
“Just fine, thank you... uh, and you?”
Ugh4. Pause. Uncomfortable silence. Nothing else to talk about! Have you got the experience when talking especially with foreigners in English?
Why is small talk so difficult? Experts say it’s because the less gregarious5 of us are too concerned about our own comfort level.
Here are 10 more tips from the experts on how to conquer small talk and actually learn to enjoy it.
1. Ask questions. When talking to someone one-on-one, you have one minute to find out everything about them. You have time to tell them about you. We immediately think that we have to do all the talking. But let the other person talk, or you may never have a chance later down the road to tell them about you.
2. Keep it simple. The most basic thing to do is keep things simple. “Where are you from?” “What are your plans for the weekend?” Stay away from difficult topics.
3. Be unclear. If you don’t know the person well or haven’t seen them in a while, don’t assume they share the same hobby with you or support the same movie stars, etc. Instead of asking “Don’t you think Yao Ming’s performance last night was really great?” maybe ask “Do you like NBA?” first.
4. Avoid Conflict. One of the things we often come across, where people get into trouble, is when they insist on being right. About 99 percent of the time, being right doesn’t really matter. If someone says a car is in a nice shade of blue, but it doesn’t look blue, there’s absolutely no reason to be right. It’s better not to take a position. Be nice.
5. You don’t have to tell your secrets. If you’re a private person, that’s OK. You can still engage in small talk and keep your private life just like that. You have a private life and a social life, while small talk doesn’t mean that you’re opening up your personal life.
6. Focus. It’s Ok not to talk to everyone. If you get a good conversation going, then run with it and build that relationship. It’s much more valuable to have a good conversation with one person in limited time than trying to talk to 20 or 30 people.
7. Learn to listen. Some people may not be the best talkers or may be really boring. Try to find something that’s usable. If you walk away from them without understanding, that’s as much your fault as it was the speaker’s.
8. Tell a story. Naturally, someone is going to ask you some questions. Don’t just say, “I had a great day.” Tell them a story. People love stories, be it something that happened at school or with the family. It’s more interesting than a list of facts. It’s also a great way for people to remember you.
9. Watch your body language. Your body language will betray you if it doesn’t match your words. Too much movement can distract the listener from what you are trying to say. Gestures and movements should have meaning.
10. Practice. If somebody’s shy or not quite comfortable with small talk, make it a project or personal goal to improve. Continue to experiment with your classmates, friends and teachers, etc. Set a goal to open up.
Do these sound familiar?
The low talker6
You find yourself nodding to nothing.
How to deal: Speak up. It would be ruder to stand and talk to someone who expects a response from you. It’s far kinder to let them know you can’t understand them.
The close talker
You can see their teeth—and smell their breath.
How to deal: Move your body and stand with your shoulder near the person. This creates a bit of distance. Also, speak up. If you speak louder, the other person will usually back up.
The improper talker
They are talking about someone behind their back. You don’t want to talk to these people!
How to deal: If it’s really offensive7, say, “I’m sorry, this topic makes me uncomfortable.” Try to personalize8 it and not attack the person.
The continual talker
The person who won’t let you get a word during the talk.
How to deal: Just nod happily until you can get away. At least you get a break from talking for a while. Excusing yourself to the restroom is the perfect getaway—unless, they decide to follow you there.
The interrupter
They finish your sentences or try to have the advantage of you before you’re done with your story.
How to deal: If it’s a person you often talk with, train them on how to talk to you. Say, “Just a moment, I’d like to complete my thought.”
The no talker
Are they even there? Hello? This person won’t hold up his or her end of the conversation.
How to deal: In a social setting, you don’t need to stay and try to talk to them. The person may be sad, or having a bad day. Just say, “It’s been nice talking to you,” and move on.
(English Version from 21st Century)
“嗨，你好吗？”
“很好，谢谢。你好吗？”
“还好，谢谢……嗯，你呢？”
唉。停顿。不自在的沉默。没别的好说了！你有过这样的经历吗，尤其用英语和老外交谈的时候？
为什么闲聊这么难呢？专家们认为这是因为那些不太善于交际的人太注重自我舒适度了。
这里还有专家给的10条贴士，告诉你如何攻克闲聊并且乐在其中。
1. 提问。一对一交谈的时候，你有一分钟去了解对方。你有的是时间告诉别人你的情况。我们立马想到的常常是自己要不停地说，但其实要让对方说话，否则待会儿可能就没机会让别人了解你了。
2. 简单化。闲聊最基本的要点是谈些简单的事，比如“你是哪里人？”、“周末打算做什么？”，不要涉及复杂的话题。
3. 模糊化。如果你不太了解对方或者有些时候没碰到他们了，不要以为别人和你有一样的喜好、或喜欢一样的影星之类。可以先问“你喜欢NBA吗？”，不要问“你不觉得姚明昨晚的表现特棒吗？”
4. 避免冲突。如果双方都坚持自己是对的就会引起纷争，这是我们常常碰到的情况。99%的情况下，谁对谁错其实并不重要。如果有人认为一辆车是漂亮的浅蓝色，可它看起来不是蓝色的，那么就根本没理由争个对错。最好不要坚持一个立场，应该友好相待。
5. 不必分享你的秘密。如果你注重自己的隐私，很好。你仍然可以聊你的天，守住自己的隐私。你有私人空间和社交生活，闲聊并不意味着你要公开个人生活。
6. 固定聊友。其实不用和谁都聊。如果和谁聊得来就继续下去并保持联系。在有限的时间里，和一个人聊得来比同时应付二、三十个人有意义得多。
7. 学会倾听。有的人并不善于聊天或者说的话实在乏味。试着找找可取之处。如果你不去了解就走人，那就不光是他们的错，也是你的错了。
8. 讲述故事。人们自然要问你一些问题，不要只是说“我今天过得很开心。”给他们讲个故事。人人喜欢听故事，不管是发生在学校还是家里的事。这可比罗列事实有趣得多，也是个让人记住你的好办法哦。
9. 注意你的身体语言。如果你的肢体语言和话不相符会对你不利。太多动作会分散听者的注意力。手势和动作应该有所指。
10. 练习。如果你对闲聊感到害羞、不自在，那就把它当成有待提高的一个计划或个人目标吧，坚持和同学、朋友还有老师练习。定个目标，开始行动。
听起来像你吗？
寡言少语者
你发现自己不知别人在说什么。
应对：说出来。交谈时站在那儿，无视别人对你的回应期待，这种行为更无礼。让他们知道你没听懂要好得多。
过分靠近者
你可以看到他们的牙齿，闻到他们的气息。
应对：转一下身体，让你的手臂向着对方，这样可以制造一点距离。还有，提高嗓门。放大声音，对方一般就会退后了。
背后议论者
他们在背后议论别人，你不想和这种人搭话！
应对：如果实在觉得烦，就说：“对不起，这个话题让我感觉不舒服。”尽量让别人觉得是你个人感觉，不要攻击对方。
滔滔不绝者
这种人聊天时不给别人讲话的机会。
应对：愉快地点头赞同，一有机会就开溜。至少谈了半天你可以休息一下了。说自己要去洗手间是溜走的最好借口——除非他们决定跟着你去。
急于插话者
你话还没说完，他们就接上来或是想占你上风。
应对：如果你经常和此人聊天，那就教他怎么和你交谈，告诉他：“等等，请让我把话说完。”
默默无声者
这儿有人吗？喂？对于这种人，用不着费事跟他/她结束谈话了。
应对：在社交场合，你没必要留下来试着和他们交谈。此人也许有事不开心，或者这天倒了什么霉，你只需说：“很高兴与你交谈”，然后走开。
1. sweat [swet] v. <口> 烦恼，着急
2. small talk 闲聊
3. gab n. 爱说话
4. ugh int. 啊, 唷
5. gregarious adj. 社交的, 群居的
6. low talker 说话少声音又小的人
7. offensive adj. 讨厌的, 无礼的
8. personalize v. 使成私人的