The Care and Feeding of Parents
Long ago, your parents changed your diapers1, fed you, and wiped your nose. When you came home in tears, you usually told one of them all about it. They tried to comfort you with words like, “Oscar was a big creep2 for not letting you play soccer,” or “Elvira should have invited you to her birthday party. I'm calling her mother.”
For the most part3, you could predict how they'd treat you in most situations. Now you're not quite so sure. One minute they tell you how grown up you are: “We're so proud of how you took care of your little sister Tootie when we went to Aunt Mahitabel's wedding.”The next minute they won't allow you to do something everyone else can do: “No, you cannot walk to the corner drugstore alone after five P.M.！” Sometimes there's no telling4 how parents might react in a given5 situation.
The amazing truth is your parents are as perplexed6 about you as you are about them. They aren't always sure how to treat you in certain situations. You may act almost like an adult sometimes. You act like a kid on some occasions7. So your parents are learning new ways to react toward you.
Parental Bill of Rights
When you were a little kid, you eagerly shared your life with your folks. You wanted them to avidly8 listen to everything you said. Now you wish they'd butt out of9 your business. You can't stand their constant grilling10 about your comings and goings11, in-depth12 questions about who you're hanging with13. You don't need to reveal14 every detail about your life to your folks. But parents do need to know about certain happenings. That's in the “parental bill of rights”.
Your parents have the definite right to know about the following situations:
◆ Whom you're hanging out with. This includes your friends' names, their parents' names, and their addresses and phone numbers. Have your friends drop by15 so your folks can get to know them.
◆Exactly where you are going, what you plan to do, and the times you will be doing it.
◆How you are doing in school. If your grades are poor in a subject, your parents have the right to call the teacher and discuss it.
◆How you are doing at the activities they're paying for with their hard- earned16 cash.
◆How you're feeling, physically, mentally, and emotionally. This means they also have the right to make you see the appropriate professional people if you're not feeling well.
Tips About Handling Parents
Here's a big tip about handling parents. The more you share what's going on, the less likely they will be to engage in annoying prying17.
Parents Tell Us Why They Need to Know So Much
I want to make sure that everything is going okay. —Herb, age 52
I want to make sure my kid stays out of trouble. —Karen, age 47
He's a kid. So we need to know what's going on. —Clarence, age 48
Super Snoopers18
Some parents are major nosy19. They ransack20 their kids' book bags. They read diaries and mail. They search the wastebasket for E-mail printouts21 or try to figure out ways to discover passwords. They're constantly on the prowl22 to uncover minute23 details of their kid's lives. Sometimes the snooping is out of curiosity, other times it's to discover what type of trouble the kid has been in or might soon be part of. Here are some ways to handle excess24 parental snooping.
◆ Tell them you feel uncomfortable about their detective25 work.
◆Tell them you need your space. Ask them what it is they really need to know about. Then tell them. But don't tell them everything.
◆ Discuss ways you can better communicate.
◆Ask your parents about their lives. Tell them about yours. Tell them stuff you're sure they'd like to know.
◆ Find out what issue they feel they'd like to know more about. Discuss how you can talk about them more openly.
◆ If you feel you need to be secretive26 about something, ask yourself why you don't want your parents to know about it.
You do have the right to establish boundaries with your parents. Discuss this with them, and then expect them to respect the boundaries you've agreed upon.
Ask your parents if you've done something to make them distrust27 you.
If this sounds like you, your parents have a definite reason to be concerned. If you want your parent off your back, consider engaging in more acceptable behavior.
父母的养育之恩
很久以前，你的父母为你换尿布，给你喂饭，替你擦鼻涕。当你泪流满面回家时，你会把你受的委屈和盘托出。他们通常会这样安慰你：“奥斯卡不让你踢球是个大坏蛋”，或者“埃尔维拉不该不邀你参加她的生日晚会。我要给她母亲打电话”。
通常，你可以推测父母大部分情形下会怎样对待你。但是现在你没那么确定了。一会儿他们夸奖你长大了：“我们真为你感到自豪。我们去参加麦特贝尔姑姑的婚礼时，你可以照看小妹托蒂了。”可是过了一会儿，他们会禁止你去做任何人都能做的事情：“不行，下午5点以后就你不能单独去街角的那个药店了。”有时真说不清楚父母在某种情况下会怎样对待你。
令人吃惊的是，你的父母和你一样不知所措。在某些情况下，他们也不知道怎样对待你。你有时像大人一样行事；有时却像孩子一样幼稚。因此你的父母也在学习怎样对待你。
父母的“权利清单”
当你还是个孩子的时候，你急切地想和你的家人分享你生活中的一切。你想让他们做热心听众。现在你巴不得他们不要干涉你的生活。你不能容忍他们对你的各种活动寻根问底，不能容忍他们详细地询问你都交了些什么朋友。你当然不必告诉家人你生活中的每个细节，但是有些事情父母是应该知道的。这是做父母的权利!
你的父母确实有权知道下列事情：
◆你和谁一起玩。这包括你朋友的名字，他们父母的名字，他们的地址和电话号码。请你的朋友到家里做客，这样你的家人就可以慢慢认识他们。
◆你计划要去哪里，要做什么，什么时候做。
◆你在学校的表现。如果你有一门功课学得很烂，父母就有权给老师打电话，商讨你的情况。
◆你参加某一课余培训课程的表现情况，因为是他们用辛苦钱给你交的费用。
◆你的生理、心理和情感的状况。这意味着如果你在某个方面出了状况，他们有权带你去咨询专业人士。
小贴士：怎样和父母相处
这里有一个和父母和睦相处的好建议：你和父母分享的越多，他们瞎打听、令你烦的可能性越小。
父母想管孩子的理由
我想确知他们安然无恙。——赫伯，52岁
我想确定我的孩子远离麻烦。——凯伦，47岁
他还是个孩子，所以我必须知道他正在做什么。——克拉伦斯，48岁
超级“管得宽”
有些父母就是爱打听。他们喜欢翻孩子的书包；偷看孩子的日记和邮件；在垃圾篓里寻找邮件的打印件，或者想办法破解密码。他们经常偷偷摸摸地想弄清孩子生活的每一细节。有时爱管闲事是因为好奇，有时是担心孩子陷入了什么麻烦，或者是怕孩子会陷入某一麻烦。对于那些过分窥探孩子行为的父母，以下是一些处理方法：
◆告诉父母你对他们侦探似的行为感觉不爽。
◆告诉他们你需要拥有自己的空间，问问他们到底想要知道什么，并告诉他们。但是不用告诉他们所有的事情。
◆和父母讨论更好的沟通方式。
◆问问父母的生活情况，也讲讲你的生活状况。讲讲他们肯定感兴趣的事情。
◆弄明白什么事情是他们想详细了解的。和他们讨论一下，怎样才能更加开诚布公地谈论那些事情。
◆如果你觉得有些事情你必须保密，就先问问自己，为什么不想让父母知道。
你有权利和父母划分界限。和他们商讨一下，然后希望他们遵守你们达成的协议。
询问父母你是否做过令他们对你失信的事情。
如果你确实让人放心不下，你的父母确实有理由担忧了。如果你想让父母不再干预你的事情，那么就考虑考虑做点让人容易接受的事情。
1. diaper n. 尿布
2. creep n. （俚语）讨厌的人
3. for the most part 在极大程度上
4. there's no telling 无法知道
5. given adj. 确定的
6. perplexed adj. 迷惑不解的
7. on occasions 不时
8. avidly adv. 热切地
9. butt out of 不要干涉
10. grilling n. 唠叨，盘问
11. comings and goings 来来往往，各种活动
12. in-depth adj. 详细的
13. hang (with sb.) 与某人交往
14. reveal v. 揭示,透露
15. drop by 随便拜访
16. hard-earned adj. 辛苦赚来的
17. pry v. 打听，刺探
18. snooper n. 爱管闲事的人
19. nosy adj. 好管闲事的
20. ransack v. 搜查
21. printout n. [计]打印输出
22. on the prowl 小心而悄悄地移动
23. minute adj. 微小的, 详细的
24. excess adj. 过度的
25. detective adj. 侦探的
26. secretive adj. 秘密的
27. distrust v. 不信任