1. You just married the wrong person.
Joanna: Ted, I'm leaving you. Ted...keys— here are my keys. Here's my American Express Card, here's my Bloomingdale's Credit Card, here's my checkbook. I've taken two thousand dollars out of our savings account, because that's what I had in the bank when we first got married.
Ted: What's this, some kind of joke?
Joanna: Here's the cleaning, here's the laundry—take it. You can pick them both up on Saturday, you. You have to pick them up on Saturday...
Ted: Jo, you wanna tell me what's the matter...Jo...
Joanna: I paid the rent, I paid the Con-Ed bill, and I paid the phone bill, so...
Ted: Well you really pick your times to... Well, I'm sorry that I am late, but I was busy making a living, all right? Come on, Okay? Can we stop now?
Joanna: So, that's everything.
(Joanna gets to her feet and starts toward the door． In an instant Ted is after her.)
Ted: Hey! Hey! Enough, enough, all right? What are you doing? Where are you going? Come on, just tell me what I did, that's all. Just tell me what I did that's so terrible...
Joanna: It's not you, it's not you...
Ted: Then what is it?
Joanna: It's me, it's my fault. You just married the wrong person, that's all. I can't...
Ted: Okay, all right, fine. Let's just go inside. Please.
Joanna: I can't. I tried. I swear I...
Ted: Joanna, please now just...I'm sorry.
Joanna: No! Don't you... don't...don't make me go in there. Don't make me go in there. If you do I swear on one day next week, maybe next year—I don't know—I'll go right out the window.
2. I knew this was gonna happen.
(Ted is working, spreading out all across the table are layouts, rate sheets, etc． Billy is sitting across from him and playing with a toy airplane.)
Billy: Daddy? Daddy? Daddy?
Ted: Yeah, honey, just wait a second, I just want to finish this idea. Let me just get this copy done, and then I'll talk...
Billy: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence.
Ted: Honey, please ... let me ... I've just got this sentence...
Billy: (Spilling a drink on Ted＇s papers) Daddy! Daddy!
Ted: God damn it! God damn it! Get out! Get, get—get over there and sit on that couch and don't move! God damn it Billy! I knew this was gonna happen. I knew this gonna happen! Who told you not to drink this stuff here; you're supposed to have it all at the dining room table. Huh?
Billy: Sorry.
Ted: Yeah, you're sorry. I told you to keep that juice in the dining room; you don't take anything out here anymore.
Billy: Sorry.
Ted: Who took you to the park and gave you everything you wanted, huh?
Billy: You.
Ted: Yeah. And who bought you an ice cream?
Billy: You.
Ted: Yeah. And who promised daddy that when we got home you would let him work and not bother him, huh? That's ruined, I can't fix that.
Billy: Sorry.
3. I want my son.
Joanna: I have a whole speech ...
Ted: No, go ahead...
Joanna: Uhh...I don't know... All my life I've—I've felt like somebody's wife or somebody's mother or somebody's daughter or...even all the time we were together, I never knew who I was. And that's why I had to go away. And in California, I think I've found myself. And I got myself a job. I got myself a therapist, a really good one. And umm...and I felt better about myself than I ever have in my whole life. And I've learned a great deal about myself.
Ted: Such as...No, I'm...really—I'd really like to know what you learned.
Joanna: Well I've learned that I love my little boy. And that I'm capable of taking care of him.
Ted: What do you mean?
Joanna: I want my son.
Ted: You can't have him.
Joanna: Don't get defensive... don't—don't try to bully me...
Ted: I'm not getting defensive. Who walked out of the house fifteen months ago? Jo...
Joanna: I don't care. I am still his mother.
Ted: Yes, from three thousand miles away? And just because you sent a few postcards gives you the right to come back here...
Joanna: Yes, but I never stopped wanting him ... I never stopped wanting him and loving him...
Ted: What makes you so sure he wants you?
Joanna: What makes you so sure he doesn't want me?
Ted: Okay, look. We're going to sit here and bat this back and forth like it was for eight years. This is like old times...
Joanna: Well you can't deny me access to my baby...
Ted: Don't tell me what I can or cannot do. Don't talk to me that way.
Joanna: I have anticipated this whole thing.
4. I'm his mother.
Lawyer: Mrs. Kramer, can you tell the court why you are asking for custody?
Joanna: Because he's my child. And because I love him. I know I left my son; I know that that's a terrible thing to do—believe me, I have to live with that every day of my life. But in order to leave him, I had to believe that it was the only thing for him. I was incapable of functioning in that home, and I didn't know what the alternative was going to be. So I thought it was not best that I take him with me. However, I have since gotten some help, and I have worked very, very hard to become a whole human being. And I don't think I should be punished for that. And I don't think my little boy should be punished. Billy's only seven years old—he needs me. I'm not saying he doesn't need his father...but I really believe he needs me more. I was his mommy for five and a half years, and Ted took over that role for eighteen months. But I don't know how anybody can possibly believe that I have less of a stake, in mothering that little boy, than Mr. Kramer does. I'm his mother...I'm his mother...
5. I lost him?
Ted: I lost him?
John: I can't tell you how sorry I am.
Ted: (Sitting down) What happened?
John: The judge went for motherhood, right down the line ...(He reads), “Order: The judge has decreed that the petitioner be awarded custody of the minor child, effective on Monday the twenty-third of January; that the respondent pay for the maintenance and support of said child four hundred dollars each month; that the father shall have the following rights of visitation: every other weekend, one night each week, to be mutually agreed upon, and one half of the child's vacation period." That's it.
Ted: What if I fight it?
John: You can appeal, but I can't guarantee anything.
Ted: I'll take my chances.
John: It'll cost you. Ted: I don't care, I'll pay anything.
John: Look, Ted. I'm gonna have to tell you something. This time, it'll be Billy that pays. I'll have to put him on the stand.
Ted: Can't do that. No. I don't want to do that. Thanks very much for your time. I'm gonna take a walk.
6. And I realize he already is home.
(It is the day that Joanna is supposed to come to the apartment and pick up Billy． Ted and Billy are waiting in the living room with all of Billy＇s things packed up, when Joanna rings intercom．)
Ted: (To the intercom) Yes?
Joanna: (Her voice over the intercom) Ted, it's Joanna. I'm downstairs in the lobby. Can you come down here and meet me alone?
Ted: Hi. Tell me, what? What's the matter?
Joanna: I woke up this morning ... I kept thinking about Billy and I—I was thinking about him waking up in his room and ...with his little clouds all around that I painted. And I thought, I should have painted clouds downtown, because...then he would think that he was waking up at home. I came here to take my son home. And I realize he already is home. Oh how I love him very much...(Ted hugs her) I'm not gonna take him with me.
1.你只是娶错人了。
乔安娜：特德，我要离开你了。特德……这是我的钥匙。这是我的美国运通信用卡，还有百货公司的信用卡，这是我的支票本。我从存折上取了两千美元，因为在我们刚结婚时我有这么多。
特德：这是什么，开什么玩笑？
乔安娜：这是清洁单，这是洗衣单——拿着。周六你可以把它们取回来，你去，周六拿回……
特德：乔，你得告诉我这是怎么回事……乔……
乔安娜：我付了房租，付了电费，还付了电话费，那么……
特德：你选得可真是时候……这个，对不起。我回来晚了，但我是在为生活奔忙，好吗？别这样好吗？现在能不能别闹了？
乔安娜：那么，我都交代完了。
（乔安娜起身向门口走去，特德赶紧去拦她。）
特德：嗨！嗨！行了，行了，好吗？你做什么？你上哪儿去？告诉我，我什么地方做错了？行了。告诉我，我什么地方大错特错了……
乔安娜：不是你，不关你事……
特德：那是怎么回事？
乔安娜：是我，是我不好。你只是娶错了人，就这样。我不能……
特德：好了，没事了，好了。我们进去吧，求你了。
乔安娜：不行。我试过了，我发誓我……
特德：乔安娜，求求你了……对不起。
乔安娜：不！别这样……别——别逼我进去。求求你，求求你，别逼我进去，别逼我进去……若是逼我，我发誓没准哪天——我不知道——下星期或者明年，我会跳楼的。
2.我早就知道会有今天。
（特德在工作。桌面上摆满了草稿和图纸等物。比利坐在他的对面玩玩具飞机。）
比利：爸爸？爸爸？爸爸？
特德：什么？宝贝，等会儿，让我先完成这个构思，先抄完这份东西，然后就和你说……
比利：什么时候大象会坐在你的篱笆上？——当你需要修新篱笆时。
特德：宝贝，别吵……让我……我刚想好这个句子……
比利：（饮料泼到特德的图纸上）爸爸！爸爸！
特德：该死！该死！走开！到——那边去，坐在沙发上，不准动！该死的，比利！我早就知道会有今天。我早就知道这种事会发生！不是跟你说过不要在这儿喝这东西，你应该在饭厅的桌旁喝完，啊？
比利：对不起。
特德：是吗？你说对不起。我告诉过你在饭厅喝果汁，不要拿到这里来！
比利：对不起。
特德：是谁带你上公园，给你买喜欢的东西，啊？
比利：是您。
特德：是的，是谁给你买冰激凌？
比利：是你。
特德：是的。那么是谁向爸爸保证过，回家后不打扰爸爸工作，啊？图纸全毁了，没法补救了。
比利：对不起。
3.我想要我的儿子。
乔安娜：我准备好了一席话的……
特德：不，接着说吧……
乔安娜：唔……我不知道……一生中我都——觉得自己不是别人的妻子，就是别人的母亲，或者别人的女儿……即使是我俩在一块儿的时候，我从不清楚自己是谁。所以才会出走。后来在加州，我想我找到了自己。我找到了工作。去看了一个相当不错的心理医生。唔，自我感觉好了许多，空前的好。对自己也了解了许多。
特德；比如说什么？不……真的，我真的想知道你了解到了什么？
乔安娜：我了解到，我爱我的儿子，而且我有能力照顾他。
特德：你是什么意思？
乔安娜：我想要我的儿子。
特德：不能把他给你。
乔安娜：别那么强硬……别——别恐吓我……
特德：我没有强硬。十五个月前是谁离家出走的？乔……
乔安娜：这我不管。我还是他妈妈。
特德：对，是三千里之外的妈妈吧？寄了明信片你就以为有权回来……
乔安娜：是的。我从来没有不想要他……从没有过不想要他、疼他……
特德：你怎么知道他想要你呢？
乔安娜：你怎么知道他不想要我呢？
特德：好吧，看，我们坐在这儿又要和八年以来一样争执不休，我们老是这样 ……
乔安娜：你不能拒绝我来看望我的宝贝儿子……
特德：别告诉我我能做什么不能做什么。别这样跟我说话。
乔安娜：我早料到事情会这样。
4.我是他的母亲。
律师：克莱默太太，你能否告诉法庭，为什么你要争取监护权？
乔安娜：因为他是我的孩子，因为我爱他。我知道是我离开了儿子，我知道那样做很不好——相信我，一生中每一天我都会背着这个思想包袱。但为了离开他，我不得不使自己相信那是我惟一能做到的事。那样对他最好不过。我在家中无法正常生活，我不知该怎样改变。我当时以为带走他不好，但是后来我得到了帮助，工作得非常、非常努力，成为一个完整的人。我认为自己不该为此受罚。我的儿子也不该为此受罚。比利才七岁——他需要我。我不是说他不需要父亲……但我相信他更需要我。我当妈妈照顾了他五年半，特德担任这个角色只有十八个月。我不明白怎么可能会有人认为我对儿子的爱护不及克莱默先生。我是他的母亲……我是他的母亲……
5. 我失去他了？
特德：我失去他了？
约翰：我无法表达我有多遗憾。
特德：（坐下来）发生了什么？
约翰：法官倾向于母亲一方，这上面是这么说的……（他念道）“判决书：法官判决，未成年孩子的监护权由原告一方获得，从1月23日始生效；被告每月支付四百美元作为该孩子的抚养费；父亲有以下探访权利：每隔一周的周末、双方同意下每周一晚，孩子假期一半时间。”就这么多。
特德：如果我不服呢？
约翰：你可以上诉，但我不能担保什么。
特德：成败天定。
约翰：花费很大的。
特德：我不在乎，无论付什么代价都行。
约翰：瞧，特德。我得告诉你，这一次，要付出代价的是比利。他得出庭作证。
特德：那不行。不。我不能那么做。感谢你抽出时间。我得去走一走。
6.我意识到，他已经在家了。
（这一日，乔安娜要来接走比利。东西全收拾好后，特德和比利在客厅等候着。这时，乔安娜按响了楼下的传呼器。）
特德：（对传呼器）喂？
乔安娜：（声音从传呼器传出）特德，我是乔安娜。我在楼下的大堂里。你能不能单独下来见我？
特德：嗨。告诉我，怎么了？怎么回事？
乔安娜：今天早上我醒来……我一直在想着比利和我——我想他在屋子里醒来……屋里满是我为他画的小云朵。我想，我该画一画城里的云，因为……那么他醒来时会觉得是在家中。我本来是来这儿带儿子回家的。然而我意识到，他已经是在家里了。噢，我真的很爱他……（特德抱住了她）我不会带他走了。