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黑夜(night)
when i was a child, night was an equivalent to nightmare for me. i don’t know if it is a usual thing for every child to ever have the experience of fearing the night. is it an inevitable part of growth? it was beyond my imagination that i can take it so easy now. however, i can’t forget the depression they used to bring me.
two months after i was born in shanghai, my mother took me to another province, where they worked. i’m not sure if every baby doesn’t want to sleep when the night comes, but i do know i didn’t. to deal with that, parents often use the same trick: frightening. big bad wolf is a prop most widely and frequently used, but my mother’s was different. she was very superstitious (and is still or ever more now), so i was unlucky enough to listen to all her stories about all kinds of ghosts and monsters. perhaps, the only favor that god left me was her lack in imagination. nevertheless, i was imaginative. so, usually, mother just gave me an inspiration, and i would complete the work of frightening myself. looking back, i’m often divided between tear and laughter.
later on, i returned to shanghai and lived at my grandma’s without my parents. at first, i felt no sadness at all. naturally, it is impossible for a child, who could barely talk, to understand what that meant. but i did feel something difficult to express especially at night. feelings piled up day by day. this city is crowded and the downtown location of my grandma’s was particularly so, and there were so many people around me. however, i still fear the night, while the fear has nothing to do with the ghosts or monsters. i didn’t know