STEP ONE: Figure out if there＇s really a problem．
Maybe it's OK that two of your favorite people roll their eyes at the thought of5 each other. Surprised? The good news is that it's possible to be friends with6 people who don't like each other. It all depends on how you—and they—handle it. Brianna and Autumn have never gotten along, but Kelly still manages to be close to both of them. As long as they don't say mean things about each other to Kelly and can be nice to each other during her birthday party...well, who cares that they're not best buds? When you make a new friend, you don't have to be accepted by every single one of her friends. The same goes for your friends. If they don't bond, it's not the end of the world.
On the other hand, it's a lot harder if your feuding7 friends used to be close. In that case, is it possible to stay friends with two girls who are no longer friends with each other and not feel caught in the middle? Yes—but it takes effort and patience to get through that in-between time when you're all learning how to relate to each other in a new way.
Do you have a friend problem or just two pals who don't connect? Ask yourself these questions:
● Do they fight whenever they're around each other?
● Do they say mean things about each other to you?
● Are they pressuring you to take sides or act as a go-between?
● Did the three of you spend a lot of time together until very recently?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you're caught in the middle.
STEP TWO: Tell them both how you feel．
You may not want to get involved. But guess what? If you answered yes to any of the questions above, your friends' fight is now your business too, like it or not8. They're involving you, and their feelings about each other are getting in the way of your friendships. You can't just sit there while they throw couch cushions at each other, occasionally mumbling9, “Hey, I'm not taking sides10!” So what are you supposed to do?
The most important thing is to express your feelings honestly...to both of them. Make sure they understand that you're not planning to choose between them.
Even if you're clear and direct, your friends may try to drag you into their fight. “Yeah, I understand how you feel, but did you hear what she said about me?” Remember, each of your friends is deeply involved in her side of the fight, so at first she may feel like you're not being supportive. Be patient with her... but stick to your position.
STEP THREE: Don＇t get involved in their fight—get involved in making your friendship work．
Your friends may call on you to play a role in their drama—to judge who's right, pass messages, or just be a willing audience. The thought of staying in the loop might sound appealing to you too, because if you solve their problem, you'll be a hero! But really, what they're asking of11 you is not fair. No matter what you say, you'll most likely end up with12 someone mad at you. And besides, what could be more painful than watching your two friends be mean to each other? No thanks13!
You can, however, take positive action to improve things without getting involved in the actual argument. If they say they don't want to be around each other for a while, hang out with them separately. It'll be easier to stay out of their fight, and you'll prove to them both that your friendship doesn't depend on their friendship. After some time has passed, you can try suggesting that all three of you get together again, but don't pressure them.
On the other hand, if you feel your friends have simply had a misunderstanding or if they seem to want to make up14, you can help them along. Let each know the other is interested, and then invite them both over—but make it clear that you won't stand around watching them fight. It's possible that they'll make up and you'll become an inseparable trio. But if it doesn't happen, that's OK too. You can't force them to be friends—but you can ask them to be a good friend to you.
步骤一：确定她俩是否确实有问题。
两个要好朋友怒目相向，或许没有什么。感到奇怪吗？与互不买账的俩人交朋友也不是没有可能。问题是你或者她们如何处理此事。布莱恩娜和奥特姆从来走不到一起，但凯丽却与她俩都能合得来。只要她俩不在凯丽的生日聚会上，当着凯丽的面互相指责对方，那么，谁在乎她俩不是好朋友呢？在结交新朋友的时候，你不必苛求她的每个朋友都喜欢你。你的朋友也一样。如果她们不合群，那又不是世界末日。
另一方面，如果你的朋友原来和睦，现在出现争执，那就难多了。这样的话，你能继续与她俩做朋友而又不会被夹在中间吗？当然可以。但要经过必要的努力和耐心才能度过夹脚时光，此时你们都在学习用新的方式来交往。
你有交友的困惑或有两个朋友就是互不往来吗？给自己提出下列问题：
● 她俩只要在一起就斗嘴吗？
● 她俩在你面前互相指责吗？
●她俩各自强迫你支持或调和吗？
●你们仨人在不久以前还经常在一起吗？
对以上问题的回答，只要有一个是肯定的，你就被夹在中间了。
步骤二：把你的感受告诉她俩。
你或许不愿介入朋友间的争执。可是，又怎么样呢？如果对上面任何一个问题给予肯定回答，朋友之间的争执现在也就是你的事了，而不管你情愿与否。她俩使你深陷其中，她俩之间的情绪势必影响到你们的友谊。别人彼此扔着沙发垫子时，你不能袖手旁观，时不时咕哝两句，“嗨，我可不会向着哪边！”如此一来你该做些什么呢？
最重要的是真诚地向她俩说出自己的感受。一定要让她俩明白你不会偏袒任何一方。
即使你的态度明确、直接，你的朋友还是可能想把你卷入她俩的争执。“是的,我明白你的感受，但你听听她是怎么说我的?”请记住，她俩各自坚持自己的立场，因此，一开始她可能觉得你无意给她支持。对她要有耐心……但是一定得站稳自己的立场。
步骤三：切勿陷入她俩的争执——尽量发挥友谊的作用。
你的朋友可能请你在她们的闹剧中扮演一个角色——评判谁是谁非，传递信息，或者心甘情愿地做一名观众。急于干涉的念头也会吸引你，因为一旦解决了她俩的问题，你就是英雄！但是，实际上，她们对你的要求是不公平的。不管你说什么，你最终都可能得罪某个人。除此之外，还有什么比眼睁睁地看着朋友互相对骂更痛苦的呢？别管闲事！
然而，你可以采取积极的行动使情况改观，而又不致被卷入实际纠纷。如果她俩说她们暂时不愿在一起相处了，你可以与她们单独交往。置身事外更为简单，你可以向她们证明你们的友谊并不取决于她俩之间的情谊。等事情过去之后，你可以试着提议你们仨再聚一聚，但是千万不要勉强。
另一方面，如果你觉得她俩仅仅是有了误会，或者她俩似乎想要和解，你可以帮她们走到一起。让她俩各自了解对方的意愿，然后把俩人邀过来——但是一定要讲清楚，你可不会看着她们争起来。有可能她俩重归于好，你们仨又可以形影不离了。但是，如果不行的话，也没什么了不起的。你不可以强迫她们成为朋友 ——但是，你却可以让她们都成为你的好朋友。
1. blow over 平息，过去
2． resentment n． 怨恨，愤恨
3． end up 结束
4． throw up one＇s hands 绝望
5． at the thought of 一想起
6． be friends with 与…交友，与…交朋友
7． feud v． 长期不和
8． like it or not 不管你喜不喜欢
9． mumble v． 喃喃而语，咕哝
10． take sides 偏袒
11． ask sth． of sb． 要求某人（做）某事
12． end up with 以…告终
13． No thanks! 别管闲事！
14． make up 和解